HAITI SEPT 12 2010

HAITI SEPT 12 2010


I can’t help it. Honestly I love this . And I hate this, too. I love the environment of life all raw and real and in my face. I love the passion involved in buying a stalk of bananas and arguing over pennies in the deal I love walking over the salt flats and mud to get to the sea to watch wooden fishing boats pull in their nets. I love visiting the mamas in their homes as they with pride show me each of their children….so much to love in this place.

I love the life changing projects of the school. the garden, the jobs….

But I hate sometimes the role I find myself in. The white lady. The one whose pockets never run empty. The fact that in the midst of working the big projects, I am greeted many times each day with “ I am hungry” my children are hungry’ ’You give me food’ “ give me sandals” give me tennis shoes” “I need you give me money for school, for a funeral, to go visit my sick dad, for water….to buy soap to wash my clothes and my babies clothes…..“ I need you to pay for this for me…these are sincere, most of them very real needs. And Jesus has the audacity to say….Give to those who ask’ Really? Has he been here???

It is tough. I’m not going to lie. I love it here, but I don’t love the many times a day when I have to face the situation of this person before me, desperate for something and my feeling like…yes , you and I both know that I can reach for my bag and produce the money to make this better for you…and you ..and you…but where do I draw the line.? Because every time I try to draw one the dust blows in and renders it useless.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you….Ok…pretty cut and dry formula…and it helps in a lot of cases. Especially when I know the people and know that their needs are authentic. But what about the other 25 requests each day? I try to put myself in their shoes ( or non shoes) how can I help you without becoming the ‘white lady has money ‘ answer when GOD is the only true Answer..

It is not something I hear missionaries talk about a lot. But the ones I talk to here admit it is a daily struggle. I keep thinking I’ll find someone who has it all figured out and can tell me what to do and how to feel good about doing it.

Because I can’t feel good about starting a White lady movement that convinces the world that I have all the resources you will ever need….nor can I feel good about saying no to everyone who asks.

Maybe “yes” for Monday, Wednesday and Friday and “no” the other days???

So I throw this out there. Not because I have found the answer, but because maybe someone out there has. I am open to all wisdom..or even good guesses!

Much love from Haiti.


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