AUGUST 6, 2011
IT OCCURS TO ME THAT THERE IS A CALL TO DIE THAT IS GOOD .
and a call to die that is bad.
and that it is really time for me to know the difference.
The beloved tension of “I have been crucified with Christ”
and ” I have come that you might have Life and it more Abundantly“
so which is it?
die or live big?
Early in my walk i learned the beauty of “to die”. The above verse my life verse …”I have been crucified with Christ, I no longer live…” From my early years as a follower, it has been my mantra whenever things don’t go the way i want them to.
It silences the beast inside that wants to whine, or make demands of others. It frees me to serve when exhaustion wants to be served. It gives me a path to run on when i want to be “somebody” and can choose death to that and with hilarious joy in hiddeness go clean the toilets for people i love.
Oh it frees me ! Such consuming freedom to be dead to the beast inside! Indeed, i have been crucified with the lover of my soul, set free to live in such abundance it should be illegal!
to die well
Yet there is another voice calling me to die. And this one feels entirely different. This one wants me dead for sure.
This one calls with hopelessness…die, you will never make it. This voice says die, because your voice causes too much trouble . This voice says die to your ridicuous faith in things no one else can see but you.
And that , my friends is not a death I can die.
i think the trick is this…learning to die well. to die to the beast , but not to the beauty.
To dare to be fully alive to the crazy dreams and intoxicating passions that makes me want to change my corner of the world, write a book, plant a garden or build a house, adopt a child or a neighborhood or a nation.
today i think it is becoming extremely important that I learn the difference. The world is waiting for us all to come out to play…groaning for our attention..for us to be fully alive and present.
So i will let the beast die and the beauty live. It surely is time .